It's not WHAT you watch sometimes, it's HOW

I got a bit off task this week on my "to do" items, both professional and personal. But life happens while you're busy making plans, and it's about the process not the product, and the end of a journey is the shortest part of it, and whatever other hammy phrase I can think of to justify my tangents this week that got in the way of my goal of watching all the films on my Horror Movie list. But, as sidetracks go, this one was worth it. I can put off watching Sleepaway Camp for another week or so. 

What this week's group of movies taught me is that how you watch a film can be almost as important to your enjoyment as what you watch. The movies in this review are about as objectively bad as you can get (well, maybe not Night of the Demons) yet I still had fun watching them. They also got to me include a new course for the report cards, an omission on the previous reviews that now seems glaring considering I'm reviewing horror movies. 

Spookies

 Spookies. A monster movie that is also a Frankenstein monster of a film. The backstory on this muddled Evil Dead rip-off is that after filming completed the unhappy producers got a whole new crew (courtesy of Troma studios) to re-shoot half of the movie. Now, they did this without any of the original actors, so the results don't exactly display a Marvel studios level of competence. 

Spookies inclusion on Red Letter Media's hilarious show Best of the Worst introduced me to the film and basically satisfied any curiosity I had about it. But when Alamo Drafthouse offered the film as part of its virtual cinema experience I decided I'd do my part to help out a theater I love and rent it. Highly recommend Alamo's virtual cinema to anyone who is missing the Alamo pre-shows and "Silence your phones" fanfare, but I can't highly recommend Spookies otherwise. 

If you ever wondered what it would be like to have a paper shredder cut two different films and a salad spinner splice them together, well, Spookies is for you. It has standard bad horror movie fare such as surly fifties greaser types somehow existing in the 1980s and couples paring off for a fatal flings in wet basements, but it doesn't add up to a lot of fun. Spookies does receive special notice for compelling me to introduce a Monster Mash course on the Report Card.  It does some admirable work with the monsters that haunt the spooky mansion, especially the Spider-Lady. It is worth a Virtual Drafthouse watch, and the monsters alone may do it for you, so what the hell...if you're still reading this give it a go.

Spookies Report Card

General Horror Fans: D
Jump Scare Fans: F
Creepy Vibe Fans: F
Gore Hounds: C+
Monster Mash: A
Yours Truly: C-

Uninvited

So I spent about an hour and a half of the historic COVID-19 shutdown watching a cat puppet puke out another cat puppet whose bites turned people's skin into bleeding bubble wrap. I was warned. This was another Red Letter Media showcased film, but unlike Spookies you do benefit (?) from watching it yourself. 

This is not a good film by any measure, and it even stars Academy Award Winner George Kennedy! You may ask how could a film about a radioactive killer cat-inside-another-cat who gets "rescued" by some bimbos and brought to a boat party hosted by a drug dealer...money launderer...or something...anyway...how could it go so off the rails?!?!?

Aside from its hair-brained (pun intended) premise Uninvited is worth a watch for some laughs, and if you like more gore-oriented horror films. Don't watch this alone! Not because you'll be scared or anything, but because Uninvited is like a bad fart. It's only enjoyable if you get other people to smell it too. No friends? Watch the RiffTrax version. 

Uninvited Report Card

General Horror Fans: C-
Jump Scare Fans: D
Creepy Vibe Fans: F
Gore Hounds: B-
Monster Mash: A- (for "originality")
Yours Truly: B-

Night of the Demons

 Night of the Demons checks a lot of boxes for me. 1980's hair and sort-of punks, Evil Dead rip off story, good practical effects and make up work, and Linnea Quigley. If any of those things appeal to you give Night of the Demon's a go. If the poster gives you pause, why are you reading horror movie reviews in the first place? (Hi Mom!)

This is about as perfect a non-slasher 80's horror movie as you can get. It starts off a bit slow, with some earnest attempts at establishing the characters, but once the demon starts doing its demon-thing the body count starts rising quickly and creatively. In the last half of the movie even the padding to get the film to 89 minutes is pretty entertaining. 

The plot is pretty standard fare. Teenagers go to a spooky house (hey, I almost had another theme!) on Halloween night, conduct a seance, and accidentally summon a demon who possess some and kills others without any clear motivation. It's evil...whatever. Although I'm not as in love with it as other cult classics (I'm looking at you Halloween III) Night of the Demons is a movie where you will see things you never thought you would see in life. If you see it and are still wondering what I mean I got one word for you. 

​Lipstick. ​

Night of the Demons Report Card

General Horror Fans: B
Jump Scare Fans: B-
Creepy Vibe Fans: C
Gore Hounds: A
Monster Mash: A-
Yours Truly: A-